No is a complete sentence

All too often, we’re made to feel like we have to justify ourselves and our decisions. I was watching a TikTok video, yes a TikTok video, last night that reminded me of this. It’s something I learned fairly quickly in therapy in navigating relationships where boundaries were non-existent.

Particularly when it comes to family, it can be difficult to establish those boundaries. For example, “Why can’t I come on your day trip? I can pay gas.” You’ve already told this person no because you’ve made plans with your partner weeks in advance and when they find out about these plans, they want to come with. Sure, that would be fine and whatnot if you’ve come to a mutual agreement to do XYZ together. But in this particular case, you want a day out with your partner after being cooped up due to COVID restrictions.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been trying to be more intentional with my time. Focusing more on pursuing activities that make me happy and spending time with people who uplift me rather than drag me down or criticize. I think most of us have identified these folks in our lives and sometimes it’s unavoidable that we are around them at some point, depending on the relationship. But right now, I’m trying to keep the chaos in my life to a minimum. It’s truly been a difficult past year for many reasons and I only have 2 days out of the week to spend how I want because of my day job.

Anyhow, this person tells you later that you never explained “why” they couldn’t come with you. And there doesn’t need to be a why. There doesn’t need to be an explanation. No is a complete sentence. In this case, “no, you cannot come with us.” Life is too short and you don’t have to explain your actions.

The same method can be applied in any situation. “I won’t be able to attend your baby shower, but appreciate the invite,” and send your condolences via a gift through the registry. Or “No, I won’t be able to make the company holiday party”. Or even, “No, I cannot make it to Thanksgiving this year.” You don’t need to explain why.

I used to have a long history of being a people pleaser and to be honest, it didn’t get me very far and ultimately ended up resulting in a bitter, frustrated me. So say no once in a while to that thing that doesn’t bring you joy. Marie Kondo it and say it loudly and proudly. I care less about what people think now but don’t get me wrong. You should care about what some people think, including people like your spouse or your boss. But your family member who has beef with you because they couldn’t hitch a ride on your day trip, not so much.